Before you begin to sink into the exam-induced winter coma, think again. It turns out that the dreariest part of the year may not be so dreary after all. How is this possible, you ask? Well, a series of very fortunate events is heading our way. It seems the stars, planets and tour dates have aligned to bring us Chris Martin, Kylie and a host of other glorious things to brighten up the winter months.

Jesus Christ Superstar: Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Broadway classic begins its run at Montecasino’s Teatro on 3 June and the final curtain call will take place on 26 June. The production features a cast of local favourites, including Wonderboom front man Cito as Jesus. Tickets start at just R100, going up to R365. You can afford this one.

Kylie Minoque’s Aphrodite – Les Folies Tour: It seems that the 40-something Aussie pop star will be spinning around the Sun City Super Bowl on 8 and 9 July in her first ever local performance. This one’s pretty pricey though. Tickets start at R466 and go up to almost two grand. But Kylie’s worth it, right?

James Blunt’s Some Kind of Trouble Tour: Panties at the ready, ladies. If you’re a James Blunt fan, 26 August promises to be a good day for you: the Grammy Award-winning crooner is set to perform at the Coca-Cola Dome in Joburg. Tickets are priced from R272 to R529.

Riverdance: If you’re into lots of jumping and Celtic rock, this one’s for you. The Irish sensation is set to do some damage to the Teatro stage at Montecasino from 27 September to 9 October. Tickets start at R221, but you can pay R374 for front and centre. Just watch out for flying chunks of stage.

Coldplay at Joburg’s FNB Stadium: Yet another massive international act to grace our humble shores. On 8 October, Chris Martin and the gang are set to fill up the enormous Soccer City – sorry, ahem, FNB Stadium – on the local leg of their 2011 worldwide tour. Which is probably the most exciting thing to happen there since … Bono. Nevertheless, tickets range from R265 to R665; not bad, considering that one had to pay about R1000 to see the back of Bono’s head.

John Cleese’s Alimony Tour: From 25 to 29 October, “the Guv” himself will be gracing Montecasino’s Teatro on the local leg of his 2011 comedy tour. The Alimony Tour, so named as a tribute to the £12 million he recently paid his ex-wife in alimony, has received rave reviews the world over. “I get angry that I have to pack my trunk just to make money,” said Cleese recently. “That I, at my age, would have to plan my life anew to pay her all the money she is to get for seven years – well, it irritates me. I’d rather have been drinking coffee, reading books and writing.” Tickets range from R295 to R500. No, it’s not cheap, but have a heart – the poor guy’s probably broke.

Kings of Leon at Joburg’s FNB Stadium: Yes, this is old news. But the whole “we’re coming, no we’re not – surprise! – yes we are!” thing was a great way to build suspense. Sneaky devils. The band is set to (finally) appear at the FNB Stadium on 29 October (as far as we know). You probably bought your ticket a year ago. If not, there are still some tickets available in selected seated areas for R390. 

Jimmy Carr’s Laughter Therapy: If the prospect of December holidays is not enough reason for euphoria, British funny man Jimmy Carr may be able to help you out. On 10 December at the Sandton Convention Centre, Carr will showcase his characteristic dead-pan humour. Tickets start at R263, peaking at R568.

Illustration : Michael Stopforth

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