You have been appointed as minister of non-communicable diseases. What are you going to do in your term in office?
I want to encourage those diseases to try and find their inner child and talk more and share. I think a lot of these diseases are embarrassed about themselves. I don’t think of them as diseases; I think they’re cells from broken homes and I feel that we’ve got to try and love them as much as we love the communicable diseases because they get all the big exposure. They’re like the rock stars of that world and I feel that we’ve got to give little quiet diseases a chance. They’ve got all the potential to be much more deadly than their big-mouth friends. I mean Ebola is all about turning your organs into s**t and making them fall out your nose … but it’s getting all the attention and that’s not fair really. So ja, I’m really thrilled about this new portfolio.
You held the portfolio of public attacker for your last term in office. How was that experience?
It went really well for me. I got death threats; it was really amazing, and from everyone, like black people, white people and even the crippled. So all in all, it was a success. I felt my work there was done. The public has had enough protection and now I think it’s time for the diseases to get a go.
At times the cabinet charged with running the country come up with their own sort of comedy. What makes the Mass Hysteria comedy parliament different?
First of all, we’re upfront about it. We actually sell tickets and tell people we’re comedians upfront. We declare all of our tertiary education, so it’s all legitimate s**t and none of us have made it up. And I think that we blatantly advertise that we are full of s**t, whereas the government will sneak in and lie about, first of all, their qualifications, and secondly about their intelligence. The main difference is that when we are found out, we’re not going to start killing people and changing the laws to make it illegal to tell the truth.
You’ve gotten to know the other ministers over the years. Are you pleased with this year’s cabinet?
I’m thrilled man, so thrilled. I can’t wait to get these people on a plane. Imagine taking down this bunch of c***s. Glad to have Loyiso Gola back. He’s big, hey. If you want to get s**t done, get a really big guy like him. I’m so excited he’s in. He kind of counterbalances the energy of that other girl, Mark Lottering. I just feel she’s a bit [crazy]. I mean, under pressure she might just go completely f*****g Game of Thrones and kill everyone, so I’m hoping to see some fireworks.
What can we expect from the show this year?
I think it’s going to be the best looking show so far. Not the cast obviously, but we’ll try and help with staging. If we can keep it quite dim, I think that will be a great help. It’s going to be slick and packed with very relevant commentary about the country, which basically means any old b******t because it doesn’t matter because no one cares. [In the end,] I think we will get some good popular support. If it really works like we’re hoping it will, we could get like 50 000 votes at the next election. I mean, that’s a start.
Photo: Tshepang Khunou