Pssst… thinks that Taaibos and Curlitzia must be sad to let each other go, especially since Taaibos has to shack up with Lilium next year. To process the pain, Pssst… recommends that Taaibos listens to Fergie’s “Big girls don’t cry” to help them through the separation.

On the topic of Lilium, Pssst… knows that most reses didn’t even need a zef divorce, since they were never in a partnership in the first place. Pssst… also knows that Lilium weren’t too happy about their premature separation from Olienhout. Houte, if Lilium comes knocking at your door begging for attention, Pssst… thinks you should play them Justin Timberlake’s “Cry me a river”.

Speaking of premature separations, Pssst… hears that Maroela and Inca weren’t too keen on each other after Rag either. Don’t worry, Maroela, after this year Pssst… is giving you permission to play Gotye’s “Somebody that I used to know” whenever you come into contact with Inca.

Nerina and Tuks Naledi, Pssst… thinks you are both very strong for tolerating each other as long as you have. Pssst… knows that Nerina (and Sonop) did most of the work in this partnership, and Pssst… thinks the song that best describes your unfortunate, one-sided relationship is probably “Sisters are doin’ it for themselves” by Eurythmics and Aretha Franklin.

Pssst… doesn’t know about the rest of you, but Pssst… is very glad that the quaint little three-way between Kollege, Zinnia and Klaradyn is finally over. In the hopes of never seeing these three reses together again, Pssst… thinks that your breakup song should be Taylor Swift’s “We are never ever getting back together”.

Asterhof and Boekenhout, Pssst… really hopes that the Ysters still have money left after their splurge this week to pay alimony after your zef divorce. If they don’t, Pssst… gives Asterhof permission to play Rihanna’s “B**ch better have my money” whenever they come across Boekenhout.

Does anyone know anything about Vividus Ladies and Luminous’ Rag partnership? Because Pssst… doesn’t.

Sonop and Erika seem so in love that Pssst… doubts their divorce will have any effect. Vividus Ladies, Pssst… hopes you’re willing to share. Pssst… thinks the song that best describes the SonopErika partnership is Rick Astley’s “Never gonna give you up”.

Vividus Men, Pssst… knows that Madelief dropped you like it’s hot the minute that Rag was over. Perhaps the song to help you through this difficult period is Kanye West’s “Heartless”.

There was also very little love in the KatjiepieringKiaat camp this year. Pssst… thinks the best song to describe the Katte’s newfound freedom is Kelly Clarkson’s “Since u been gone”.

Pssst… would say something about the relationship between Jasmyn and Olympus, but Jasmyn was too busy ignoring Olympus for it to qualify as a “relationship”. Pssst… thinks Olympus’ theme song this year was probably Billy Idol’s “Dancing with myself”.

Mopanie can’t be happy to give Magrietjie up to Maroela next year. Peppies, next time you run into Maroela, make your feelings clear and play “Steal my girl” by One Direction.

Pssst… will be taking a bit of a break, but hopefully the reses will have done something noteworthy by the time Pssst… returns.

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